Time is a funny thing. And everyone has apparently been telling the truth when they say that it only gets faster as you age. Which is scary to me, because it already feels like days fly, I can hardly remember my answer when people ask my age (18? no. 21? no. twenty… six. yes, that’s it), and my nephew already seems to be a little man. Wasn’t I just holding him in the hospital?
I don’t know what time feels like to you, whether it’s flying or whether every single moment is a full experience for you, or if you somehow don’t even experience time as moving since after all, you are God and you know what is to come as well as all that has been. That’s so radically different that I can imagine the way time works for you is radically different. Yet I also feel like sometimes you must wonder how the daffodils are already starting to wilt and the wisteria is graying out again, you see a new mother and remember when she herself was in the womb and you nurtured her growth and thought out who she would be in the world.
I’m sorry that I waste so much time. I don’t mean simply that I wish I were efficient and didn’t procrastinate. I wish I weren’t such a bad procrastinator. In fact, as I’m sure you know, I have a paper that’s late right now that I should be typing up instead of this. But I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I haven’t sat staring at the daffodils this year and they’re already wilting. I’m sorry that it’s been ages since I smooshed into a booth with my friends to laugh over coffee and marvel and delight in the fact that people so different in some ways can feel such a connection and love for one another. I’m sorry I haven’t been immersing myself in the season of Lent in ways that shape my whole perspective.
I suppose I should finish up this paper that’s lingering. Funnily enough, I have a book to read for class which is about spiritual practices of time. I’m sure I’ll have more thoughts, but I was just thinking… I’m sorry for the way I abuse and misuse and disregard time. You have given me such a gift with this life. All of it. Help me to be better and to attend to the moments of every moment. And if you have any time, I could also use some help resisting the urge to procrastinate…